I consider myself a generally happy person, but that all changed for me in a period of about 12 hours! I'm sitting at work yesterday morning and I got this unbelievable rush of emotion. For really no apparent reason the flood just started to come, so much that I have to get up and leave and go to the bathroom to finish off my burst. Yes, it's true, I started my period two days ago but unfortunately this is nothing new! And I admit, I've cried during months that I felt there would be some progress in our fertility situation to find out I was wrong, but it was nothing like today.
I sat in the women's bathroom for about 15 min just sobbing. After I got back to my desk from my uncontrollable breakdown, I get a call from my manager asking if I will come to her office to speak with her. Great!!! My eyes are red and my nose is throbbing from being blown so much. So after a few hand sweeps across the face for air I make my way to her office hoping in the next few seconds the walk will magically make me look refreshed.....Uh, NO!! I get to her office and the first thing she says to me is, "Are you ok? Have you been crying?" Oh crap, oh crap, here comes the flood and all of my dignity gone! So I blunder through what I think is upsetting me. My manager is a very great human being! She was very understanding and sympathetic. I cried and laughed in her office for over 30 min. Then, later we have a meeting and we're talking about the sub for Santa we are doing this year through work. AGAIN, I start to cry. Just talking about this family we'll be giving Christmas to just made me well up and I cried again. I had to leave the meeting just to get control over myself. Holy COW!! This is absolutely INSANE!! I needed to get over this, and quickly. I was coming across as a nut case. Nothing bad has happened to me, and I haven't experienced anything upsetting, at least nothing new. It has to all be hormonal. It has to be!
So I go to lunch with a friend from work and we laugh so much that I start to cry. Can I not get away from this today, Geez. It was great to be laughing and enjoying the rush of endorphins that were sweeping through my body, but did I have to end it with tears coming out my eyes?
I finally leave work. I'm absolutely exhausted from crying. I get in the car and my radio is tuned to FM 100. All Christmas music. The song comes on about the boy in the shoe store who's trying to buy shoes for his dying mom. You know the one that everyone should know by now because it's played so much during the holiday. Yeah, so I cry again. WHAT IS GOING ON!!!
I get home, Scott if fully aware of the state I have been in all day, thanks to texting. He takes me into his arms and all of a sudden the world is right! He's the only one who can calm the giant bawl boob inside! We had plans to go work out when I got home. Instead we spent the night in enjoying each others company. Exactly what I needed. Later that night I fell asleep and never slept better. I guess I needed a good cry, but the whole day, COME ON!!!
Thursday, December 07, 2006
You can never cry too much in one day...Right?
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I cried yesterday because of that VERY SAME SONG on the radio! I had to change the station. How spooky!!!
ReplyDeleteShawna - it IS a mix of hormones and the fact that you have a sensitive spirit that is in tune with what really matters in life.
I must say - it is nice to know I am not the only one who loses it once in a while, hahaha.
A good cry really is warranted sometimes... after the pounding headache and swelling goes away, ya feel pretty good, eh??
I LOVE YOU!
You are such an incredibly happy person, that I have to admit, it's actually good to hear that you have days where you lose it, too. We women are sensitive, and I've learned that it's a good thing.
ReplyDeleteWe're lucky to have understanding men that are able to make us feel better instead of making us think we are crazy. I'm so sorry this month got to you. I don't know how you have ANY months that don't.
P.S. I love that song. It makes me cry EVERY time I hear it. It's a good reminder of how much we have, and how the tiniest act of service can be so important for someone else.
Dear, sweet, usually happy, Shawna - I'd give anything to give you what you really want! If prayers by those who love you so much could do it, you'd HAVE that baby already! But I really believe that one day this blessing will come - by hook or by crook - it will happen!
ReplyDeleteThe other day a coworker handed me a CD recording of a comedian who was clean AND funny - a rarity these days. Anyway the endorphins (sp?) were released and I thought to myself, an endorphin releasing CD would be great Christmas present. So I thought about sending it to all my brothers and their wives. Thanks for the blog little sis.
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