The Sunflower

This year I finally got to the landscaping of my front yard. I was so excited to finally have a chance to work on it. I took a whole Saturday and finalized everything. My grass doesn’t look the greatest but I’m doing my best to maintain it. Now, if you were to look in my backyard it’s a different story. The lawn is kept mowed but the perimeter of the lawn is covered in 6 foot weeds. Even the elevation where the big trees grow has become entangled in weeds and is quite an eyesore.

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A couple of weeks ago I was struggling with the woes of life. It was one of those moments when you look at where you are and you either get really excited or you get really depressed. I was focusing, at this time, on where I thought I should be at the age of thirty. I was sad because both my sister’s have now moved out of state and not just a few states away, but clear across the country. I am struggling with getting into the whole adoption waiting process (I never in my wildest dreams imagined having a family would be this hard.) I’m mad that all the fertility pills I took over the years made me a fat lardo and now losing the weight is just as hard for me as trying to have children. And I hate that I have to go to work everyday instead of taking my children, which I don’t have, swimming or doing whatever fun activity you can enjoy with your children over the summer, or at any time.
As you can see this was a destructive thought process. I even consider myself a happy person. This last time was pretty bad though. Keeping busy helped me a lot. I remember when my brother passed away. I thought nothing would be as hard or depressing as that. And as we all know, the trials just keep a comin. One thing I’ve learned…you can never compare your trials!
I’ve been reading a book called “The Glass Castle” by Jeanette Walls. It’s a true story about Jeanette’s life. Reading this has brought clarity to my mind in regards to trials we encounter. I have always been thankful for the things that I have been blessed with, even my trials. But reading about other people and their life struggles can help put your own life into perspective.


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The other day I came home from a very tiring day at work. Sam, our dog, greeted me at the door but was hesitant to greet me in her usual exciting way. She was a little forlorn. I knew right away that something was wrong. I made my way into the kitchen... nope, no pooh on the floor. I made my way down the hall and as I came to our bedroom I noticed that the door was open and a very foul smell came a wafting up my nostrils. As I made my way into the room I saw before me a horrendous nightmare! Sam had literally exploded all over our room. There was pooh and dog puke everywhere. It was in our bathroom, all over the floor and to my utter horror it was all over in our BED!!!!(the gag reflex started taking over at this point) Sam didn't realize she had came very close to living out her last day. She had done all this early enough in the day that it had time to really soak into the floor and bed. I started to cry. This was NOT a mess I wanted to deal with. Scott couldn’t handle it; he’d be puking and making the same mess she had if he would have tried to tackle it, so it was up to me to set to cleaning it up. It came down to us having to buy a new mattress. Funny thing, I didn’t mind that we needed a new mattress. Interesting..., something great came out of this horrible mess. I slept great on my new mattress that night. (thanks also goes out to George W. Bush and that great stimulus package of his)

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A couple of days ago I got up to get ready for work. It was a little darker in the bathroom then normal so I opened up the bathroom window, it was over cast and trying to rain. I took in a deep breathe to smell the cool summer morning air. Instantly I noticed it. It struck me so strong. It was vivid and beautiful. Among the 6 foot weeds in my unkempt backyard stood a strong and beautiful sunflower. I had never noticed it before. It seemed as if it was placed there specifically for me on that morning. It had grown right up through the thick roots of the weeds that were surrounding it. It grew where it was placed and it was beautiful. Everything became so clear and I realized that I could truly handle anything. Dog throw up, adopting my family, missing my sister’s, losing a brother, or trying to loose weight. Life is good, we have been given so much, and it’s up to us on how to grow amongst the weeds of life!